If you, too, want to look like an ass at your local pool, just do what Ken and I did last night.
So, the plan was to find wetsuits and go out to the local reservoir to get in our first open water swim (OWS). We’ve put this off far too long and the race is now only a month away. Ken rented a wetsuit in Boulder. I borrowed one from a friend hoping there were no pee stains or skids (there weren’t). We sent Sam off to baseball and sent Emma to a friend’s house. We were free to go kick some open water swim ass (OWSA).
The closer it got to the the time to leave, the darker the skies got and the windier the air became. “Toughsky shitsky,” as my dad used to say (I think that’s Russian). I was going no matter what. It could be hurricane Big Bertha around here and nothing was going to stop me. What’s the worse that could happen? I drown and leave my children motherless? Big whoop.
We got to the reservoir and I noticed major white caps in the water and rough seas. Like I always do, I figured the more challenges and ball busting stuff that happens, the better it is for my training, right?
Best laid plans.
No open water swim due to rough waters. Bunch of pussies.
Plan B: Ken suggests going to our local outdoor pool and swimming in our wetsuits to try them out. I know we are gong to look ridiculous swimming laps at a crowded family pool on an 85 degree day in a wetsuit, but no way am I not getting my workout in. In the damn wetsuit.
There is no dressing room at the pool. It is under construction. So we are both on the side of the pool trying to squeeze our parts into these wetsuits which is kind of like when you are 17 trying to put on your Jordache Jeans and you have to lie down on the bed just to pull them up and zip them. Or squeezing a fat Italian sausage into something tight. TWSS.
I now realize that Body Glide would have helped tremendously, but that never occurred to me at the time.
So, I finally get my wetsuit on. I am stifling hot. I ask Ken to zip it up in the back. He can’t figure it out because….I had it on inside out. I am not shitting you. I swear, if I make it through this race in one piece and don’t die from doing something absurdly stupid, it will be amazing.
Remove wetsuit. Turn right side out. Squeeze into suit again. I am smiling but I am really suffocating and my boobs are being smashed to bits. No camel toe, though.
That dude in the back is the one I had for my disastrous first master’s swim – now he really thinks I’m special. He is doing Eagle pose.
We just did 1,500 yards. The buoyancy of the suit is awesome, but takes some getting used to. I was scalding hot in this thing, though, I realized I really want a sleeveless number for doing summer tris in Colorado.
The very, very good news is that Xterra, one of the best well known makers of wetsuits, says they will give me a wetsuit in exchange for a product review. Score.
Simply awesome of them! Oh snap, I am going to be one stylin’ Xterra chick. I may swim slow as an ant in molasses, but I will look good. Maybe not like her up there, but good enough. I may consider doing the whole race in that suit.
Do you get like that too? You are simply NOT willing to give up the damn workout come hell or high water?
PS: Don’t forget my $50 Active Headband giveaway!