Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Hurricane Bertha and the Wetsuit

If you, too, want to look like an ass at your local pool, just do what Ken and I did last night.

So, the plan was to find wetsuits and go out to the local reservoir to get in our first open water swim (OWS). We’ve put this off far too long and the race is now only a month away. Ken rented a wetsuit in Boulder. I borrowed one from a friend hoping there were no pee stains or skids (there weren’t). We sent Sam off to baseball and sent Emma to a friend’s house. We were free to go kick some open water swim ass (OWSA).

The closer it got to the the time to leave, the darker the skies got and the windier the air became. “Toughsky shitsky,” as my dad used to say (I think that’s Russian). I was going no matter what. It could be hurricane Big Bertha around here and nothing was going to stop me. What’s the worse that could happen? I drown and leave my children motherless? Big whoop.

We got to the reservoir and I noticed major white caps in the water and rough seas. Like I always do, I figured the more challenges and ball busting stuff that happens, the better it is for my training, right?

Best laid plans.

No open water swim due to rough waters. Bunch of pussies.

Plan B: Ken suggests going to our local outdoor pool and swimming in our wetsuits to try them out. I know we are gong to look ridiculous swimming laps at a crowded family pool on an 85 degree day in a wetsuit, but no way am I not getting my workout in. In the damn wetsuit.

There is no dressing room at the pool. It is under construction. So we are both on the side of the pool trying to squeeze our parts into these wetsuits which is kind of like when you are 17 trying to put on your Jordache Jeans and you have to lie down on the bed just to pull them up and zip them. Or squeezing a fat Italian sausage into something tight. TWSS.

I now realize that Body Glide would have helped tremendously, but that never occurred to me at the time.

So, I finally get my wetsuit on. I am stifling hot. I ask Ken to zip it up in the back. He can’t figure it out because….I had it on inside out. I am not shitting you. I swear, if I make it through this race in one piece and don’t die from doing something absurdly stupid, it will be amazing.

Remove wetsuit. Turn right side out. Squeeze into suit again. I am smiling but I am really suffocating and my boobs are being smashed to bits. No camel toe, though.

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That dude in the back is the one I had for my disastrous first master’s swim – now he really thinks I’m special. He is doing Eagle pose.

We just did 1,500 yards. The buoyancy of the suit is awesome, but takes some getting used to. I was scalding hot in this thing, though, I realized I really want a sleeveless number for doing summer tris in Colorado.

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The very, very good news is that Xterra, one of the best well known makers of wetsuits, says they will give me a wetsuit in exchange for a product review. Score.

VORTEX 3 SLEEVELESS WETSUIT

Simply awesome of them!  Oh snap, I am going to be one stylin’ Xterra chick. I may swim slow as an ant in molasses, but I will look good. Maybe not like her up there, but good enough. I may consider doing the whole race in that suit.

Do you get like that too? You are simply NOT willing to give up the damn workout come hell or high water?

SUAR

PS: Don’t forget my $50 Active Headband giveaway!

40 comments:

  1. Yes - I get in workout-at-all-cost mode often, and unfortunately that's also when I seem to get myself injured.

    Based on that picture I'd be willing to give Xterra wetsuits a positive review (you know ... because ... they look buoyant, and aerodynamic, and well-constructed ... oh never mind).

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  2. I hate the way my swim cap feels on a hot day in the outdoor pool, I can't even begin to imagine what the wet suit must have felt like. Lucky you didn't come out well done or medium well.

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  3. LUcky duck.. There are NO open lakes to swim in in Colorado springs!!!! I can't wait to see how my time drops from wearing that suit!

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  4. Whoops.. that being said.. Great job on that HOT, HOT pool swim!

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  5. I've never swam in a wet suit but I have swum in the fancy schmancy suits that the Olympic swimmers wear. They are awesome! Holy flotation!

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  6. inside out ??? for reals ??? oh that is priceless....

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  7. I've practice in a wetsuit at the pool too. It always feels like I'll pass out from heat exhaustion because of the temps they keep it for the kids and aquaciser's.

    When you practice at the pool, be sure to hang the wetsuit on a hanger in your shower (or outside for the neighbors to see) and rinse it out really, really well. The chlorine of the pool can eat at the wetsuit material pretty quick and you'll tear a hole.

    Oh, and don't forget to bite off all your nails from nerves so you don't risk a nail puncture/rip in the wetsuit. :)

    Isn't running easier?!

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  8. careful with the wetsuit in the pool, the chlorine kills it. i have an xterra, i paid for it, piece of s#$%, but ok for the money i suppose. some of the wetsuits that are great also cost a ton

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  9. you rock and yes hell or high water!!!

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  10. Wet suits are so difficult.

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  11. Jordache? How old are you again? And the wetsuit...keeping it inside out? Notice, when you peel it off it is inside out...makes for easy pee cleaning ;) Sorry, but that was one of the funniest posts by you yet.

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  12. Beth, let me know what you find out about the wetsuits. I need to buy or rent one as well and I am freaking clueless!!!

    The inside out thing sounds like something I would do, don't feel bad, it just gives you character. As my husband would say.

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  13. I get like that too! I went out for a run one day, it was supposed to be a long run, and it started pouring on me about 1/3 of a mile down the road.

    I went home, hopped in the car, drove to the gym still soaked from the rain, and gave myself one hella workout!

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  14. I can't believe you got into the wetsuit inside out!!! I think I would have still gotten my workout in but not in the wetsuit, that's hard core!

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  15. Karen: I'm old. Like 44. I still remember the Jordaches.

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  16. Gawd. only 44. I'll trade you. Inside out, that's funny, I'm amazed you even got it on. I had both legs in one time before I realized the zip was in front. Oops.

    There's a trick some people use to ease getting into a wetsuit. Get one of the cheap plastic grocery bags, and slide it over the end of the limb about to be inserted into the suit. Goes in much easier.

    Buy a BIG container of body glide. Trust me.

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  17. Um...I could totally see me doing that! I'd probably even attempt to swim in it, unzipped.

    I went to a Diva's clinic at Boulder Running Co and they had someone from TYR there talking about wetsuits and dang, I wish I were paying attention because she said something negative about sleeveless wetsuits. Crap. But no big deal, you will do great.

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  18. Now my question is.. Did they get it back without the pee stains or skids.

    :)

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  19. This made me laugh so hard! I tried to tell my husband why I was laughing like that and I just couldn't…he had to read it. Now he knows :P Inside out! Priceless!

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  20. I love that you swam in a pool in a wetsuit. I love that the Masters swim guy was there! And I too love that you put in on inside out. Awesome!

    You will love the sleeveless suit-I have one of their sleeveless ones and it is fabulous! So much easier.

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  21. I say stick with the sleeves. Remember, you'll be swimming early and it's still cold in the morning in CO at 6am plus I think it gives me a little extra protection during a rough start. I also like to pull the collar open before I start and fill my suit with a thin layer of water between me and the suit. Helps keep me cool and helps me to combat claustrophobia / panic.

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  22. Now that there is just funny, and bad ass at the same time! You should be really proud--not many people can pull off funny and bad ass all at once. That's a true gift!!

    And, in answer to your question: no. I might be funny, but bad ass...not so much. I'm trying to work on it.

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  23. yes i get in that zone. I also managed to get pneumonia by riding in a hail storm/rainstorm/windstorm. Or so the MD says. Whatever. I still got in my last miles for mayisbikemonth so it was totally worth it!

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  24. The wetsuit is absolutely the most unflattering piece of outerwear known to man (you look awesome in it though). It takes me about 10 minutes to get that sucker on.

    btw, how the heck does that chick's boobs look so perky in that xterra suit? I want to know if that's part of the suit when you do your review. If so, I'm buying 7 to wear under my clothes every day of the week.

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  25. cool score. That's a dope wetsuit.

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  26. Yes! I did that just this evening. I just *had* to get the workout in. It was a disaster. Should've stayed in and made Rice Krispie Treats w/the kids. I would have felt bad but at least I'd have a treat. Now all I have is an unsuccessful run and nothing to show for it...... Except my ass. I have a *great* runner's bum.

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  27. That looks pretty sweet!

    Everyday I read your blog and think "that sounds like me" or "I have wood paneling in my basement too" or "my kid is acting like that too". Almost like we have twin lives.
    But then, when it comes to working out - no where close. For example, if I hear a train on my long run I'm more likely to slow down than speed up to miss it. Or, if something comes up & I can't get my workout in, I'm thrilled and usually celebrate with a beer.
    So thank you for showing me what my life would look like if I actually gave a shit about my workouts. We're doing good!

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  28. This is SO hilarious....I have joined a triathlon club and they have just started open water swims at the beach but I am too scared to go! I am thinking of at least inquiring about renting a wet suit but haven't actually actioned that thought.

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  29. Shana, your comments made me laugh almost as much as Beth's original post! Beth, I read you every day with the hope that your drive and determination will by some amazing internet magic, trickle through my computer to give me the motivation to accomplish half as much as you. While you were wriggling into a wet suit, I was talking myself out of a workout due to the heat and humidity, and laundry, and dogs needing attention, and..... you get the picture.

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  30. Ha Ha - saw you guys there - was doing a technique improvement class with Coach Robert. Was wondering who the two weirdos were in their wetsuits - I mean really - in the pool. You were probably hot because the pool WAS hot that night. I was dreading class because I thought the water would be cold but it was almost like swimming in a hot tub.

    jessicah

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  31. Why didn't you share that inside-out photo? So funny. Yes, get a sleeveless one...sleeves are overkill unless it's really cold water.

    And yes, I'll do whatever it takes to workout if I have already set aside the time, etc. It seems that pools are always the place where plans get messed up!

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  32. I cannot imagine swimming in a wetsuit in 85 degree weather! HOT!! I can't blame you though--you do have to get used to it for your race.

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  33. Never give up a workout unless there's lightening. Since you can't change the weather on race day, prepare for anything.

    As for the wet suit - you can also spray PAM on your bod. which will allow it to go on easier.

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  34. Way to do what you needed to in order to complete that workout!

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  35. I can't believe you put that thing on inside out. You were just doing that to be funny, right? Right???

    That buoyancy rocks, no? I can only imagine how blazing hot you were, though. Those suckers are warm.

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  36. You mean: an ass-kicking 44! I'm 37, sister ;) My "big sister" wore Jordaches and I still remember the ads for them. At least they didn't cost $200 like jeans today...

    And the wetsuit thing...the inside/out conundrum happens A LOT. I can't believe you wore it at all, with as hot as it was. Talk about suffocating...

    Okay, off for todays post.

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  37. OMG I just about pissed myself that you put the suit on inside out. Hilarious.

    You are going to rock that Xterra suit. I'm thinking of getting a shorty for the summer events. You know, one that is sleeveless and the legs are like capris.

    BTW - forget the body glide and get yourself some Tri-Slide from SBR. Much better stuff. Spray that stuff everywhere. On your stomach but especially your neck and your ankles (wrists if it is full sleeve) and then spray the outside on the ankles and wrists and stomach. It will slide right off.

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  38. Being from California and surfing since I was 12 years old, oh and the fact that I do some triathlons. IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME SOMEONE COULD PUT ON A WETSUIT INSIDE OUT.
    What would have been more special is if you would have done the session that way :-).

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  39. LOVED my sleeveless one. I have a long torso, and it seemed to fit so much better! It also gave me much more flexibility in my arms. Mind you, the Pacific Ocean is still butt-cold, so my arms were pretty much numb until I got used to it, but hey! I survived!

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