Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Stuff People Say

“Life will suck if you are always wishing you’re doing something else.
Life will rock if you realize you’re already doing the best thing ever.” 
- Leo from Zen Habits (one of the best blogs out there!)

Is it just me, or do you go through your days having interesting little interactions with people? Some people you know, some you don’t. Some exchanges are funny, some are sad or touching, and some just leave you scratching your head. This week I’ve had some pretty precious and priceless ones come my way.

Setting: The grocery store, two days ago

Cashier: That lady who just bought groceries is going to New York City! Can you believe it? New York City!!
Me: Yeah, that’s pretty cool. (but not caring too much)
Cashier: I mean, did you hear me? She is going to New York City! That is crazy, man!
Me: (wondering if this guy has ever left the grocery store): Yeah, that’s pretty cool.
Cashier: I mean, I just don’t know if I could handle New York City with all that craziness. I have seen all of the “Home Alone” movies, so I know what it is like.
What I think in my head but don’t say: YES! Because “Home Alone” is the most accurate depiction of real life in NYC I can think of. Because everyone who lives in NYC is a ten year old boy who is mistakenly left alone by his parents and who puts on aftershave and scares away robbers with boobie traps.

Setting: My Ford Explorer, this morning (because a lot of exchanges go down in the car)

Me: God, I don’t’ know what my problem is. Running just gives me gas. I bet I farted 90 times on my run today.
Emma (daughter, 10): Really? Did you just fart? I don’t smell it.
Me: Matter of time. (locking the windows because I am that type of mom)
Emma: Oh, yeah, here it comes. Ewww. Egg salad. I had egg salad once at grandma’s. It was good. It was egg whites and yolks.
What I think in my head but don’t say: At least she smells my farts and still eats egg salad.

Setting: Wahoo’s Fish Taco with my two girlfriends, last night

Friend1: I’d like the chicken bowl
Cashier: White or black beans?
Friend1: White
Cashier: Brown or white rice?
Friend1: White (I’m beginning to think she’s racist)
Cashier: Do you like it wet?
What I think in my head but don’t say: That’s what she said.

Setting: Sitting on Emma’s bed at night, two days ago

Emma: Mom, can you remember to call my piano teacher to tell her I won’t be there Saturday?
Me: Yep, I’ll do it. I’ll also let Katie know you’ll be at her house at 1 pm. tomorrow.
Emma: Mom, thank you for just taking care of everything and making things go just right.
What I think in my head but don’t say: Seriously? Did my offspring just say that? could all of these years of martyrdom and pulling my hair out really be worth it after all?

Setting: Grocery Store, five days ago

Me: (wearing Bolder Boulder 10K shirt)
Person bagging my groceries (PBMG): Did you run that race?
Me: Yep (And I’ll tell you about a time I ran with Dean or when I ran the Boston Marathon if you want, all you have to do is ask. Did I mention I’m training for a half ironman?).
PBMG: Here’s what I don’t get. Like, why would you want to do that? Why would anyone want to do that?
What I think in my head but don’t say: Why would anyone want to bag groceries?

 

What’s an interesting interaction you’ve had this week?

Would you buy a “Sneak In?” I would not simply because I do not know anyone in jail right now.

Brown or white rice? I’m brown all the way.

Do you ever think things in your head you don’t say? Yes. About 9,541 times per day.

SUAR

PS: If your ordered a Burn Out tee or men’s tech tee, they are being mailed today and should take 2-5 days (except international). The tech tees will go out next week and will also take 2-5 days to ship. I’ll let you know the day those are mailed.

59 comments:

  1. I am constantly commenting in my head about things people say, do and wear...one of the reasons I like to ride the 'T' - many characters to be had on that guy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bagging groceries is such an UNexcellent job.

    I always think things in my head that I don't say. But sometimes they come out and I didn't realize that I didn't keep them in there :P I had an interesting interaction last night when I was rear-ended right in front of my house. The guy was laughing and said... "oh, you're alright (informing me not asking or reassuring himself)... i was just looking in my glove box" (like that makes it all okay and understandable). I told him (out loud) that he probably shouldn't have been looking in his glove box while driving up to a closed gate that had other cars stopped in front of it, that perhaps next time he might wait until he is no longer moving before taking his eyes off the road. No apology. No real compassion or concern. He told me that "you were more scared than anything". Thanks, asshat... I did find out where he lives, though. He really didn't want to tell me... but I MADE him :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I want you to say it!!! Just say it. You can appologize later.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I always think things as well but mostly mine sound like: "Your an idiot." "Shut Up, no one cares.", "For the love of mankind, please quit wearing pajama pants in public people", "Your an idiot. Still".

    ReplyDelete
  5. When we first moved to Colorado I had a similar conversation, but instead of Coloardo and NY, it was Boulder and Longmont.

    Cashier: You came all the way down from Longmont?
    Me: Yes
    Cashier: For a day trip?

    What I thought but didn't say: Well, yes, we broke up the drive, took turns driving, but here we are. It'll be a long drive back, but visiting Boulder is worth it.

    (Note: Longmont is 20 minutes from Boulder)

    ReplyDelete
  6. haha!

    "Who would want to bag groceries."
    amazing comeback, shoulda just said it.

    Thanks for the smile today

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wasn't Home Alone set in Chicago?!?

    ReplyDelete
  8. "What I think in my head but don’t say: Why would anyone want to bag groceries?" Heh, you seem to come across a lot of chatty grocery peeps!

    I think so many things, without saying them. I've learned that lesson the hard way (TWSS...).

    ReplyDelete
  9. I like basamati rice. Brown is okay. My problem is that I usually say what I'm thinking...I would have said the That's What she said comment out loud. I lack a filter big time! But I don't think it comes out too bad...usually people take me well. I think. I'm usually chewing on my shoe though. Like the time that the kitchen remodel people were measuring our kitchen and I was standing there with all three of my sweet innocent kids and they were talking to each other and saying "I don't know if this is wide enough for it to fit. It might be too big." And then I just couldn't help it....can't let a good "That's he/she said" line go to waste.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes. When I worked at a grocery store part time (no offence taken to the above comments) I judged everyone's purchases. "6 kids, one on the way, and my tax dollars are buying your diapers. Your welcome." And also when I worked part time at Starbucks. "15 pump, extra caramel, non fat, with whip caramel machiato. I'm glad you got non fat milk, because that drink was starting to sound really unhealthy."

    ReplyDelete
  11. Wow New York City?!?! Like, the real city from the movies?? ;-0 Holy moly.

    Me and the guy at the nail salon:
    (Guy) When are you due?
    (Me) September 14th
    (Guy) Oh well make sure you feed your baby formula. They sleep better.
    (Me) Hmm.
    (Guy) Yeah, they also poop less too. My wife breastfed and our son pooped 6x a day. Now we formula feed and it's only once a day!
    (Me) Hmm. (thinking "Why in God's name am I going to take YOUR advice?) So, how much was the pedicure?

    ReplyDelete
  12. My 8-year old: How come guns kill some robots but not others? Johnny 5 was scared of guns but a gun didn't do anything to The Terminator.

    Me: (mind blank as usual with these random questions)

    ReplyDelete
  13. If is said everything that popped into my head I would be a much happier man, yet I would probably also get my ass kicked. Wait, I'm a pretty fast runner, so maybe I should speak my mind more often...

    ReplyDelete
  14. I do that all the time, too. Sometimes, do you see slightly odd couple and think, "How the hell do they have sex together?" Maybe that's just me.

    ReplyDelete
  15. With two young kids and teaching 2nd grade, I have a ton of things pop in my head that I don't say! No interesting conversations have popped up lately...other than between the voices in my head...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Just today I was running up a particulary steep hill in our neighborhood, and passed an older woman walking a dog. She didn't say anything at that moment, but I passed her again on my loop home, at which point she let out a huge whoop and shouted "Way to run up that hill, and look- you're still going! You are amazing!" I was so taken aback, mostly because she didn't look like the type of person who even had a whoop in her, that I just kinda mumbled something about "If I can run, than anyone can" and kept going. In hindsight I wish I had thought to tell her that she totally made my morning!

    As for rice, I like both brown and white equally...I do not discriminate when it comes to carbs.

    ReplyDelete
  17. LMAO!!!!!! Why would anyone want to bag groceries! Holy hell I'm laughing!

    ReplyDelete
  18. LOL! now I can only imagine the look on your face with some of these remarks.
    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  19. I like black beans, brown rice, wet.

    Can't count the number of times in a day I don't/can't say what I'm really thinking.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Setting: looking for the guy who just stole some items from a store. Located him one street over.

    Me: (I jump out on him just as he sees me and begins to do the easy escape route eye search) “Hey man I would seriously discourage you from embarrassing yourself.”
    Thief: (darting eyeballs finally take a second to size me up) “damn your one of them that likes to run for the fun of it.” (places his hand above his head)
    Me In my head : “Great I could have gotten some speed work in to add to this weeks training. GREAT job mouth.”

    ReplyDelete
  21. I got to church early on Sunday and had the pick of my own seat out of several hundred.
    I looked around and then I picked my seat (haha) and sat down with papers and all kinds of stuff all around me I had to fill out for kids camp when several minutes later, I turn to find an old woman poking me in the arm. She says "I would like this seat...please move over". I look all around the vacant church, see plenty of "better" seats and look back at her and think. WHAT THE HELL, LADY? ...and then I remembered I was at church...did the whole WWJD thing in my head and moved over one seat.

    I'm still stumped.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Yeah, I used to be the person who never left anything in my mind unsaid. The best thing I ever did for human progress was to insert a filter/run.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I think a lot of snarky comments, but I usually mumble them under my breath rather than keep them in my head. I think my mom failed there...I'm kind of a bitch. Or, maybe she succeeded, depends on her goal...

    ReplyDelete
  24. I got nothing interesting...


    You are for sure doing something right if your kids are thanking you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'm split down the middle with brown and white rice. Half n half. I'm pretty happy no one can hear my thoughts, I would be either put in a straight jacket or frowned at constantly.

    ReplyDelete
  26. ha ha ha you made me laugh out loud :) OMG! If I could say out loud all I am thinking, I would get fired, I would be divorced and would probably have no friends!!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Re : "What I think in my head but don’t say: Seriously? Did my offspring just say that? could all of these years of martyrdom and pulling my hair out really be worth it after all?"

    My cynical self says that she's just softening you up for her teenage years. But then I'm an old curmudgeon who believes that duct tape is the best thing that ever happened to raising a child.

    Re "PBMG: Here’s what I don’t get. Like, why would you want to do that? Why would anyone want to do that? "

    Confession time. That was me a few years ago. The why run part, not the bagging groceries. I've since hunted down and apologized to some of those people. That jazz quote applies to running - “Man, if you have to ask what it is, you'll never know.”

    Basmati rice all the way.

    I am constantly thinking of things that are best left unsaid, except for very particular audiences who can appreciate my exact, and very peculiar, sense of humor.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I really need to work on the "don't say" part.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Hold on a second, do you know how many kids booby traps I had to dismantle when I lived in NYC? It was like the Hurt Locker but instead of C4 it was legos, super soakers and string.

    ReplyDelete
  30. So many things I think but don't say. I used to love Karen on Will & Grace because she just said whatever she thought. Sometimes I wish I could do that. But I don't want to die young. You should have at least said the bagging groceries thing out loud!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I have serious issues trying to filter thoughts. They just come flying out. Luckly I have only been beaten for it a few times.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Wow, timely post. I had a crazy in my Starbucks this week.
    She came in, ordered 2 drinks, but wanted to pick up the second one when she was ready to leave.

    She sat down with her laptop and spent about 30 minutes.

    She got up and said she was ready for her tall decaf.
    We told her it would be 4 minutes because we brew by the cup after noon.

    All frazzled, she said
    "Oh no, I can't wait. My mom just got out of the hospital and she's waiting in the car. I don't want to leave her too long because the car's not running."

    WHAT I THOUGHT: Are you freaking serious? You've got an 80+ year old woman in a locked car in South Florida for 30 minutes?

    WHAT I SAID: Well, actually, it's almost done now - 20 more seconds.

    CRAZY: Oh my gosh, I'm getting so worried. I better go check on her. Can you just have it ready when I come back in?

    ME: Ooookkkk...

    She comes back in
    ME: Ok, you're all set!

    CRAZY: Oh thank you so much. You're a doll. And she was fine. Just had a nice little nap.

    ::cue the psycho music::

    ReplyDelete
  33. It's been years since I've seen it, but Home Alone was filmed in Winnetka, just north of Chicago, so I can't see what it has to do with NYC. Maybe I need to get out more.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Kovas is right. But if you've ever been to Winnetka, you know how scary it is. (Kidding, don't want to get all the North Shore folks in a twist, though a friend on FB recently asserted that the North Shore kids are brats, so who knows?)

    I love you exchange with the grocery bagger. I ran the Chicago Marathon last year (rather unspectacular finish time, but I had a blast). Now when ever anyone hears that I ran that (or any of the half-marathons I've done), I feel there is a 70 percent chance I will have a 20-minute conversation explaining A) how it is possible to run such a distance (even if unspectacularly) or B) defending why anyone would want to do such a thing. Oh well, my kids think it's cool.

    ReplyDelete
  35. wow, what would the cashier think if they saw "Sex in the City"!?

    ReplyDelete
  36. That should have been *your and *whenever

    (you probably could have figured that out, but I'm an editor, so the typos would have haunted me for the rest of the day)

    ReplyDelete
  37. Does TWSS ever get old? And is there a time when you can't use it? I mean it just works for everything (TWSS) See what I mean.

    And please don't get me started on the conversations I have in my head because a lot of times they end up coming out and I know I insult the sh*t out of people but that isn't my problem that is their problem.

    Like the other day I was at Nutrition Addiction and we were discussing the power of the word diet. And I just blurted out:

    Where the F do these people on no carb diets think they are getting their energy? Why don't they f'n read that you NEED carbs and stop skipping them b/c some a$$wipe wrote a book to just make money on them......

    ReplyDelete
  38. I like my fish tacos white and wet too.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I had a problem with over-sharing but now I am medicated for ADHD and it happens less. Pity. It made for some exciting times for my friends and family.

    ReplyDelete
  40. ROTFLMFAO!!! And for the record, if I said everything that went through MY head, I'd wouldn't have a job, husband, kids who speak to me, friends, or family who would claim me. I just suck it all in and go running to release the frustrations and annoyances. Yes, running. It has saved my own life . . . and the world from ME! lol

    ReplyDelete
  41. Awesome. Thanks for the morning laugh!!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I loved this post! It made me literally laugh out loud in my office. Good thing I am by myself or else the coworkers would have thought I was crazy.

    I should start writing down the things people say and the thoughts in my mind. Then again, maybe not. I want people to still think I am a nice person. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  43. Just yesterday I was thinking I should keep a little notebook to write down weird things I see or hear. I travel a lot and airports are great places to observe funny little moments. For example:

    Overheard in a bathroom stall at the Atlanta airport yesterday:

    Mom: Point it down, aim down, DOWN!
    Son: Did I pee on you Mommy? (said rather hopefully)
    Mom: Yes.

    Wish I could capture the tone of that "yes."

    ReplyDelete
  44. Oh man! I needed that. You have some pretty hilarious (and random) convos.

    My random grocery store convo (overheard):

    Dad to 6ish year old daughter: Do you want some chocolate covered pretzels?
    Daughter (she's SIX): Uh, no. I'm so over those.
    Dad: What is tickling your fancy these days?
    Daughter: Umm, gummy worms!
    ME: Classic choice.
    Daughter: (rolls eyes) Thanks for your input.

    SHE WAS LIKE 6 YEARS OLD! How did she learn to talk like that!?

    ReplyDelete
  45. I have way more conversations in my head than I do outloud.

    Especially at work:

    Me: "Good morning, J.L. Marshall & Sons"
    Person on phone: "Is this J.L. Marshall & Sons?"
    Me (out loud in my most pleasant pretending not be annoyed voice): "Yes it is"
    Me (in my head): No you freakin idiot it's the Vatican. WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY!

    What's a sneak in? Am I really under a rock right now?

    Def brown rice - I've given up my white rice ways.

    ReplyDelete
  46. You sure have some interesting cashiers in your town. The ones here just tend to scowl at me and my groceries without saying anything except "Credit or debit," like they're disgusted they even have to ask.

    ReplyDelete
  47. OMG, In my old age(41) I have learned to keep my mouth shut 75% of the time that I want to comment on something stupid someone has just said to me or to someone else. The rest of the time 25% I say what comes to my mind and then out of my mouth before I can stop it!, even if its gonna get me into a fight with a very large female in Wal Mart that cant wait to beat the crud out of me.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Setting: the dental office where I work, as a patient is leaving after having a tooth pulled.

    Patient: "Aren't you going to prescribe me some painkillers?"
    Me: "We could give you Motrin, but it's basically the same thing as Advil."
    Patient: "No, Ativan, or at least morphine."
    Me: "Um, no."
    I had a LOT of things I thought but didn't say...

    You locked the windows? Hahaha. You cruel mom, you.

    ReplyDelete
  49. My interesting interaction o' the week occurred at a laser hair removal appointment. During the procedure, the technician mentioned there was a window washer right outside. I said, "there must be film on the windows to protect your patients' privacy, right?" Her: "No". Me: "well, then, could you close the blinds?" Her: "they're broken" Me: "I'll just hide over here and put my shirt back on"

    ReplyDelete
  50. I usually end up saying what I only meant to think!

    ReplyDelete
  51. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  52. I am constantly writing FB status updates in my head...but since it takes time to log onto FB etc that time delay allows a chance for the filter to engage and prevent me from spewing forth all my inappropriate comments

    ReplyDelete
  53. I am constantly writing FB status updates in my head...but since I am not always at my computer and/or it takes time to log onto FB it gives chances for the filter function to engage and I am prevented from spewing forth all my inappropriate thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  54. I comment in my head and later compare those comments with DD2, and I swear we must share a brain because we say the same comment and start cracking up!

    ReplyDelete
  55. Setting: Restaurant where I currently work
    Me: What can I get you for breakfast?
    Customer: Can you tell me about the chicken hash?
    Me: Sure, it has a French taste to it because of the taragon and sweet onions and the chicken is brased thigh meat that is shredded and cooked with the onions and potatoes.
    Customer: OH, it has chicken in it??!! (very surprised sounding)
    Me: Yes (WTF?? Why would we call it "chicken hash" if it didn't have chicken in it?? :)

    ReplyDelete