Monday, July 18, 2011

10 Ways I Break the Rules, Part II

You may have seen the first installment of 10 Ways I Break the Rules in March. Turns out I am such a rule breaker that I have a Part II:

  1. I go through the express lane with more than 15 items.
  2. I bring my own food and drink into the movies. I’m not paying $10 for Hot Tamales when I can get them for $.89 at the gas station.
  3. I eat items from the bulk bins while shopping. I love nuts (TWSS).
  4. I have my Garmin on auto pause, so my total run time doesn’t include stops for lights, craps and pulling out wedgies. Unfortunately, auto pause Garmin time doesn’t work in a race.
  5. I use coupons that are expired because some stores don’t notice or care.
  6. I lick knives.
  7. I take stuff off the cleaning carts that are in the hallways of hotels. Just extra shampoo and coffee and maybe a pen.
  8. I always go through yellow stop lights.
  9. I have been known to talk on my phone while driving, but I don’t text or apply makeup or write long essays. Picking the nose is optional.
  10. This one is my favorite: If I go to Vegas and there is a huge check in line for the hotel, I go to the check out line (which is usually much shorter). When I get called to the counter I say, “I’m here to check in.” They invariably say, “Oh, I’m sorry you're in the wrong line.” Then I say, “I’m SO sorry. Let me change lines.”And, they always say, “Oh, it’s okay I can help you here.”

I am a terrible, bad, dishonest, immoral person. But, I have never been arrested and my children are still in my custody. I don’t believe I’ve ever killed or maimed anyone.

How do you break the rules?

SUAR

47 comments:

  1. You mean my Garmin has an auto pause??? Hmmm...

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  2. My husband and I also take our own food and drinks into the movies. I just hide it all in my big oversized purse and we bring out all the goodies when the lights go down.

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  3. Hotel tip = GOLDEN thanks! I'll definitely be using that!

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  4. LOVE IT! Esp Vegas check in.. very smart!

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  5. I sometimes bring a bottle of WINE and plastic glasses into the movie theater when I go with one of my wine friends! So much fun watching a scary horror flick that way! Makes it more funny!!!

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  6. Sarah in WI: I am totally copying you on the wine/movie thing.

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  7. Immoral? no. Efficient, yes. Nice on the hotel tip...just the tip, TWSS. ;)

    Last week a Panera sandwich and bag of chips made it into my purse on the way to see Bad Teacher.

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  8. haha, I love this. I run every yellow light even when I know I am not even close and def run a red light. I will be in Vegas in December so I will keep tip number 10 in line

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  9. Oh wine+friends+movie BLISS! (except maybe flask of cold cape cod) Yep that's me bringing on my bad teacher! And check out tip is bad a$$.

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  10. I am a boring rule follower... all the way. Almost.

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  11. I'm with Sarah, wine and plastic cups is genius!

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  12. Ya, I have definitely taken rum to the movies to add to my soda along with my own bag of popcorn.

    Have any of you wine lovers watched "Always Sunny in Philadelphia"? They have a whole episode about putting wine in a soda can so you walk around in public and no one knows you are drinking. Hysterical!

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  13. I have the unfortunate knack of being caught whenever I try to be sneaky. But to this day my one big triumph is not only eating my own food in the movie theater but eating a pasta dinner with garlic bread while watching a movie in a theater! Big purse and being very careful when unwrapping the garlic bread's foil was my secret! ha ha! Hearts, janna lynn

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  14. My daughter has been two for the past two years at all Major theme parks...

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  15. I said that me and my husband are separated and use a phony rental agreement to use my friends address so my twins can go to a better high school....while using my real address to keep my other kids in their schools.

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  16. I lick knives too.

    I also eat food that has fallen to the ground, even some pretty sketchy ground.

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  17. You sneaky thing!

    I totally sneak my own food into the movies. ALL the time.

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  18. When I buy iced tea from the local health food store- I consider it free refills for that day...maybe the next day as well.

    I know where ALL samples are in all health foods stores in the area and get a few of each sample- I have a sample cabinet for trips and it is overflowing with packets of various creams, fish oils, hemp seeds, etc, etc.

    What about rule enforcers- I have called more than one person out eating out of the bulk bin with bare hands (which is shocking because I am normally pretty chilled out but that grosses me out!)

    I got cured of my yellow light habit with the cameras in LA.

    After reading this , I think I need to meditate or something....

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  19. If they don't notice an item hasn't been scanned in the checkout line, then I don't tell them.

    In Vegas at Check-in line at various hotel..."Hi, I'm here to check-in."
    Your name please?"
    "So in so...just here to celebrate my anniversary, having my bachelorette party, getting married, etc."
    "Oh that's so great. We will just upgrade your room for you to a suite, no charge."
    "Oh thank you so much. Wow! That is so sweet. I love Vegas."

    We saw this worked for my wedding that did take place in Vegas and I have used it ever since.

    Oh and I try to buy things at store to sneak in to the theaters, as well.

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  20. Wine lovers alert! Check out Target's boxed wines. They have a 4 pack of boxes, that are approx. 2 nice glasses of wine in each.. when you take it out, it looks like a juice box... I mean seriously like a juice box. I have sat in a convention center, watching my daughter play volleyball with my adult juice box and no one is the wiser... and they travel nicely to movies! (just bring along a straw....)

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  21. Lisa R: So bummed. Our Targets and grocery stores do not sell wine. Sucks b/c your idea is GENIUS!

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  22. I don't have my Garmin on autopause, I just stop the thing every time I stop and even when I walk up a hill (but I only do that if I'm really tired)

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  23. I use the auto pause on the Garmin too, love it!

    And I always take my own food/drink into movies.

    This list just shows me that we are made to be lifelong friends. Or blog readers. Or something.

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  24. I am ALL over number 10! Thank you for that.

    I sometimes take magazines home from the hair salon. I find a good recipe or article and next thing I know, I'm tucking it under my arm.

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  25. You are pretty terrible. At least two of those apply to poor cashiers at the grocery store.

    As a former cashier I'm hurt!

    BAD SUAR.

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  26. Yep definitely bring food to the movies...but now I've got to see if our Target carries wine boxes!

    And, #10 is awesome!

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  27. I've been arrested. Public intoxication when I was 21. It was in a really small town so I don't have a hard core, street cred, jail story to go along with that arrest.

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  28. I love the auto-pause on my Garmin and use it for the same reasons...it also makes me look faster when it auto-pauses as I run through a tunnel because it tacks on the distance but not the time!

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  29. You're a heinous monster. I don't think I can even read you anymore. ;)

    I blame all flatulence on others.
    I once, under dire circumstances, stole a tampon from a colleague's bag in our faculty bathroom.
    I sometimes tell my husband that the store was out of creamer, so that I can buy him the cheaper powdered faux creamer, instead.

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  30. haha...great, and not gonna lie just yesterday i used a coupon that expired in 2008!! seriously, i rationalize it by saying if the person didn't catch that one then i'm golden. :P

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  31. But in California, coupons aren't supposed to expire! (I don't know if it would make you feel better or worse to find out you weren't actually breaking a rule...;)

    Definitely eat food off the floor (as long as there are no hairballs or anything), and definitely snack in the grocery store. :)

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  32. I climb over fences and ignore a few "no trespassing signs" while running. I secretly pour generic steak sauce in the A1 bottle so my husband won't bitch about it. (that A1 is expensive!)

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  33. this is the best ever. i love this hahah. auto pause. how do you that? i am out of the loop. hmm what do i cheat on ...i don't really know. but i am totally stealin some of these ideas!

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  34. I am terrified to reveal this but sometimes I drive alone in the car pool lane when I am going into L.A. – Especially if it is heavy traffic (it usually is) and I am late for one of my foster kids (I usually am).

    I have never told anyone this as CA people HATE car pool cheaters and would pull out my fingernails for admitting to such an atrocity. :S

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  35. I peed in the men's room at a strip club during a ladies nite show. Met one of the strippers in there.....

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  36. I bring sodas into the movie theater too. haha.

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  37. I love it that you are so normal...

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  38. You are not dishonest since you just admitted to all of it....that means you are slight honest right?

    I am going to use your check-in at the hotel gimmick next time I am checking into a hotel that has a line. Love it.

    Do I break the rules? No, because I just consider it setting the rules.

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  39. I wish there was a facebook like button (or a +1 button if we were feeling hip)
    I lick the pacifier and pop it back into the baby's mouth when I know i really should wash it

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  40. At big concerts or events, I've been known to crash the men's room. Seriously? Have more women's restrooms. And, if you put your wine in a travel coffee mug, you can drink it at just about anywhere.

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  41. I lick knives too. I have hidden wine in a coffee cup at a baseball game (just once) I tell my kids throwing out apple cores and banana peels isn't littering because it's decomposible. Eat from bulk bins? Sometimes. I went to the grocery store on Saturday without shoes on.

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  42. I love this list! I too take my own food and drink into a movie theater, and I almost think those that don't are just silly!

    Http://rundreamcook.blogspot.com

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  43. Trespassing signs? Those are just for robbers.

    I NEVER go through the auto recordings when calling A business. I just furiously press 0 until I hear a human being's voice. This has saved me about 2 years of my life.

    If there's a lineup at the women's bathroom, I go into the men's. If there's a man there, I go in the bush. I WAIT FOR NO ONE BITCHES.

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  44. I lick knives, but only for chocolate or peanut butter. or cheesecake. or any other kind of cake. and sometimes frosting.

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  45. Oh, the auto-pause..."Unfortunately, auto pause Garmin time doesn’t work in a race." <- hard lesson learned, especially with pit stops! Damn the always-running clock.

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  46. My county's library allows you to return just any old paperback book if you "lose" the one you checked out. I've kept the one I checked out because it was so good and replaced it with some stupid romance novel you can find at Goodwill. :)

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  47. I've gotten in the habit of stopping my watch on occasion for stoplights. I'm a bad bad person.

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